summary of an adventure/disaster.

This is a story I've been meaning to tell. After a long day at work and a workout at the gym, I returned to my car to hear a voicemail from Mary saying she had locked her keys in the car at the park. Which closes at sunset. And we live in the Southside. I told her I was on my way, and headed over to the farthest possible edge of the park, where all sorts of people were "hanging out" (let's just say Mary was the only one there actually walking the dogs). Mary had woken Dave Wolfe up and convinced him to bring her a coat hanger. Since he always comes to our rescue, he did. Mary tried breaking into her car with that for quite a while, until I decided to call AAA. They said they'd be there in an hour. Daylight was quickly fading. Dave left us on the condition that we'd go sit in my car at the gate and wait for AAA. Surely, we thought, we would just tell the gatekeeper not to lock the gate. We then realized the gate was automatic and devised a plan (driving over the curb) in case it shut.

Meanwhile, we were both starving and I had to pee. Mary suggested I go use the "bath house" near the road, but I decided not to, since you're pretty much guaranteed to acquire an STD or bear an illegitimate child if you walk within 50 feet of that thing. It got darker and darker and still we waited. The weird little guy who chases people out of the park at dark (who Mary (not surprisingly) has had several run-ins with) came to get rid of us, and I tried to convince him to let us stay because surely AAA was on the way. A van pulled in and I shouted "AAA!". The man shook his head. No way the unmarked royal blue van with giant rims belonged to AAA. But it did. And with mere minutes to spare, the guy unlocked Mary's car and we all made it out just before the gate shut.

We went to Ukrops to celebrate and as we got back to the house at 9:30pm, Mary asked, "Who's that in our yard?". I looked and there was a woman lying on the steps in our yard, petting the dogs. A grown woman. In our yard. We circled the block twice hoping the freak would leave, because we were really tired at this point and did not want a weird confrontation. As we sat in the car starving, and virtually every kind of profanity possible came out of my mouth, the woman still stayed put. Finally we got out of the car and she came over to us and said she lived down the street and really liked animals. That's great. Seriously get the hell out of my yard. We live 2 blocks from the ghetto and you never take a right past my house for good reasons. That was all I could take for the night. I ate dinner, and tried to watch a prostitution sting on COPS with Mary, but my heart just wasn't in it. I went to bed and tried to forget about the weirdest turn of events in a while. But that's how things are on the Southside. Still, I don't care who you are. Get the hell out of my yard.